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Controversial devisor of the diet, Ian Atkins, has been testing it recently in Oxford with extraordinary results. Over a course of time the dieter will bulk up, grow taller and develop the necessary leg strength to boot a ball the length of a football pitch high in the air. Although, other than a few grazed elbows, there are few problems for the actual dieter it is when they come into contact with human beings that problems occur.
The application of the Ian Atkins Diet does not sit well with other lifestyle options, such as ‘Passing Along The Ground’ or ‘Using Skill’. Anyone following these foolhardy plans will find themselves in trouble, and potentially, hospital, if attempting to take on an Ian Atkins dieter.
A Mr N Stanton reported a strange phenomenon occurring whilst in the presence of a proponent of the diet. "He grabbed me and fell down" reports Mr Stanton "but the referee gave him a penalty, perhaps he had some strange mind control thing going on."
The diet has, in the past, been popular for limited periods in Doncaster, Northampton and Cambridge, but, as yet, no one can work out why. Authorities have said that, if faced with someone on the Ian Atkins diet, do not approach them for fear of flailing elbows; just run, run like the wind, oh, and if anyone could explain how this diet is so successful, could they write and let the Football League know at: ‘The Football League, London, The South’.
Jim can be heard on 96.9 Viking FM in the early hours of the morning, and many other times during the day when other presenters are skiving off. Sorry, on holiday.