‘Episode 3: Attack of the Clowns' opens with Darth Molby and Annakin Pearson discussing the threat of the United Rebels aboard the Glanford Falcon, as lead by Laws Skywalker.
DM: But, Annakin, we don't stand a chance, these soldiers we've bought are fat, lazy and incompetent, they're not up to the task, we've already been defeated in battle by the United rebels twice recently…it's not good enough.
AP: They are a bit out of shape, didn't I see Mr Bronson out of Grange Hill around somewhere?
DM: See what I mean? Why don't we splash out a whole load of money on some new special soldiers?
AP: (winces) We've kinda done that…never works.
DM: So what can we do?
AP: Well, we don't have to worry about that blobby, ugly monster…
DM: Jabba the Hut?
AP: No, Gareth Sheldon.
DM: But what about Jar Jar Torpey?
AP: That lanky good-for-nothing? He's the least of our worries.
DM: Well, what do we do then?
AP: I suppose what we normally do…just brag about how big our Death Star is and how many people we have in it, then we'll claim that we don't care about the battles against them. Oh, and we'll call them ‘inbreeds' for good measure, that's always funny…then, as usual, we'll go home and cry…
DM: I love it when a plan comes together…
May the Farce be with you…
Jim can be heard weekdays on SBN Radio, weekdays between 2 and 7PM (across Student Radio Stations nationwide, www.sbn.co.uk and Sky Digital Channel 894)
His column can be read exclusivesly on Iron-Bru.net every Thursday
His column can be read exclusivesly on Iron-Bru.net every Thursday