Jim (waaa) Cairns

Jim's currently a season ticket holder in the country Chef along with his young daughter.

You may have seen him in such productions as 'South Park' and 'South Park The Movie'.

When not watching the Iron, Jim can usually be found eating in posh restaurants in far away destinations or abusing Don Rowing. Aye, t'is true, he lives the good life.

So without further ado, let's get into it.

Name?

Jim Cairns

Age?

Around the thirty area, say no more.

Do you post on the Iron-Bru messageboard?

Occassionally, although not for a while.

Number of years watching United?

Four.

Which stand do you sit/stand in at GP?

Back row of the Country Chef, keep that blasted sun out of my eyes.

Rating of of 10 for Glanford Park's pies?

5/10 because of their cold exterior and molten like center's! How do they do it?

Beer?

I don't drink in the Iron Bar, shame on me.

Half time Entertainment?

You call that entertaining? (Ed-We'll class that as a 0-1 then)

Scunny Bunny?

5/10 when he actually gets his arse out of his burrow!

Watering hole pre/post match?

Royal Hotel or Forest Pines.

Favourite alcoholic drink?

Beer / Rum and coke.

Most enjoyable game?

Shitty 'ull two seasons ago. I was in the mudrats end at Boothferry Pit. Winding them up throughout the game. Fairytale stuff when Jacko slotted home dwarf divers free kick in the dying minutes!

Game you'd most like to forget?

Same fixture last season when they beat us by two goals in the last few minutes. Again i was in the mudrat end, winding them up during the game. We were being outclassed by Stuart Green in midfield, i was telling them how crap i thought he was. This mudrat old biddy grabbed me and hugged me at the end of the game! ahh well, you can't win em all!

Funniest moment watching United?

I think it was against Oxford at home! This fat away fan was on his way to purchase a metric tonne of pies, when all the CC hardcore started singing 'get yer tits out for the lads'!

Favourite Iron fan?

PELE for the shite he talks, lawsihateyou for the sense he talks.

Iron fan you want to show your pictures of Paul Hayes on your bedroom wall to?

The bird in the ET i used to sit near. This lass with huge tits! (Ed - We questioned Jimwaaa further to discover she is also a programme seller in the terrace. We would like to point out that we feel Jimwaaa's description is degrading to women everywhere and would like to apologise to the programme seller concerned!)

Views on the current management?

Laws is generally a good manager. He sometimes doesn't recognise the need to use substitues early enough to change our style or formation though!

Where do you think we need to strenghen if at all?

Need some back up for Hayes and Torps and someone to boss midfield!

Who would you most like to see in the claret and blue (Male or Female)?

Roy Keane or Kelly Brook in the hope that she'd swap shirts at the end of the game.

Favourite Player Ever and Current?

Ever - Garcia for his excellent service.

Current - Matt Sparrow - when he's on form.

Prediction for our finishing place 2003/04?

I hope we finish one place above shitty 'ull. 22nd would be nice.